Judi Diane Duncan

    18 years ago, when I was 17 and Connie (my wife) was 15 we got pregnant. 7 months later Diane was born. She was early and had to spend a little time in the hospital. I will admit that I had no idea how to raise a child. Connie knew how to take care of a baby but neither of us knew what it was to be a parent. How could we? We were children... not that anyone could tell us that. We've made our mistakes along the way... the parties, the alcohol, the bands, etc. I guess that's why we were powerless to stop her from making the same "mistake" we made. At 14 Diane came to her mother and told her that she too would be having a child. We were devastated.... I was completely beside myself. I was angry not just at her but at the her boyfriend's parents. We sat down with them and discussed whether or not to allow Diane to visit them without us there. They both agreed that they would always be in plain sight... never a closed door. They even acted like it was an insult that we would doubt them. We found out later she got pregnant over there while pretending to play "Rock Band". What idiots!!! I was afraid for Diane. I've never advocated abortion but I have to admit folks I was scared... I suggested it. In all honesty I pleaded with her. I didn't know how she was going to achieve the goals that she had set for herself. I didn't know how she would function in society... how would she raise a child? I'm sorry for that now but I won't lie... I begged her to have an abortion. I would have called anyone else doing the same thing crazy but I ask that you please not judge me until you've experienced that for yourself.
    There were nights we fought... we yelled at each other. I forbade her to see Josh (her boyfriend). I threatened to have him arrested. Especially when I caught him sneaking in her window. I even found pictures and video they had taken together of an extremely perverse nature... she was 14 for God's sake!!! It seemed like I stayed angry. I'm sure I was very unpleasant for anyone who dared keep my company. This seemed to be the norm for a while. I eventually came around and when Diane started going to the doctor I allowed Josh to go also. I still had limits which Diane felt were unfair. I guess she figured that since she was pregnant the word and guidance of mommy and daddy no longer applied. So... I tried hard to show her that it did apply. We fought more...

    Through all of that we struggled to find a balance and eventually a baby girl was born. Alyssa Diane Asmus was born... healthy and ready to live. She was so precious. I felt horrible for having suggesting abortion...

It's my pain though and I'll live with it. Thank God Diane had the fortitude to ignore my suggestion just like I would have done in when I was in that same place. It wasn't the end of our fighting though. Diane tried harder than ever to show us... me... that I didn't matter. She wanted to get married and I wanted her to finish High School first. I thought that was a fair compromise and she reluctantly agreed. Little did I know that she had agreed because Josh's stupid, ignorant, mouth breathing, mushy brained parents were telling her that when she turned 16 she no longer needed my permission to marry in Georgia because she had a child. Needless to say I was extremely distraught when she brought this to my attention (two weeks before her 16th birthday). I felt the need once again to prove to her that she/they were fucking wrong! I did my research... called courts and lawyers and discovered that while that was true up until 2006, it was no longer the case. When I told her that and told her that she had no choice but to honor her agreement to finish High School she immediately threw a fit. She promised me that if I didn't let her get married she would run away and I would not see the wedding, I would not see my grandchild again and not only that but Alyssa would never know who I was. I felt like she truly hated me but if we could get through this and get her to finish High School with the 4.0 GPA she had achieved, everyone would be better off for it. She swore that I was ruining her life... Josh was going to go into the military but now that he had a child with her he couldn't until he was married. Really I don't understand how that is my fault... he got her pregnant... that's his shit. I don't know why they felt the need to put it on me.

    I stood by my guns and settled into a routine. They would say "Josh's parents are moving to Guam. We need to get married right now!" and I would reply "You're not going to Guam and I'm not letting you get married!" It was a struggle but it was routine. Eventually they did end up moving... which once again pissed me off. Why couldn't Josh's dad just stick around here until my daughter finished school. He's so fucking stupid and selfish! His son had finished and he would still see him everyday. Anyway, I decided to let them get married... not just let them but I paid for the wedding, planned the wedding and facilitated the event. The whole thing was still a struggle. She fought me on everything from the date to the music. Have you ever heard "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus? I hadn't either until she gave me her list of songs that they wanted played at the reception. It was chaos... I did everything I could to just stay calm and get through it. When the day came I walked her down the isle and I danced with her at the reception while I cried like a baby. On the day she left for West Virginia we all went to breakfast together... I took the day off work to tell her goodbye. We hugged her, kissed her and watched through tear filled eyes as they took our baby away.

    I thought that after the initial hurt I would get used to life without seeing her everyday and be relatively normal again. However, when I tried to call she wouldn't answer. When I texted I got no reply. I tried and tried but to no avail. Then I noticed that she wasn't only not answering but sending my calls straight to voicemail. I was heartbroken.... she sent me an email which she had sent to her mother and this is what it read:

Dear Mama,

       I know you will probably hate me for this, but I've been avoiding dad on purpose. I've been talking yo you cause you didn't do all those things in the past. I swore to dad at some point that when I was free from the "wardon", I was never turning back. I don't want you to be mad at me but I know you will never understand cause you don't want to leave your family & this is all I wanted for years. You can go on and stop paying for my phone if you want, even though I still want to talk to you and Georgia. Ya'll also screwed up by telling Josh, ON OUR WEDDING DAY, that you could annul the marrage up to 6 weeks after the wedding (EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW THAT WAS A STUPID LIE)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still want to be Georgias' god mother though. By the way, you said that Georgias' life will be harder? Keep in mind, you were less strick on me and you saw how I rebelled. Imagine how bad Georgia is going to rebell, she's already starting to in her own way by not listening. The more she's educated and the more freedom you give her, the longer she will want to be a kid and thinks before she acts. Hopefully this will teach dad a life long lesson. You can talk to me if you want. If dad continously calls I'm just going to keep hanging up.

   Most of that isn't true... we didn't say we were, or could annul the marriage and she isn't Georgia's Godmother. Now she's sending back her phone so I won't have anything on her. I guess she'll hate me until I'm dead and she's old and it's too late for either of us to hug each other and say "I love you Diane".