In the Beginning

   This is something I've wanted to do for a while. I love to write and I'm a very opinionated person so of course I'm drawn to this thing called blogging. I think it's the modern version of a soap box where people of a town would stand and voice their opinions. Some of you probably won't agree with me but I hope you'll at least find some entertainment value here. The idea is to open myself up so that all of you can witness my slow but certain decline into the realm of insanity brought on by middle age and that mid-life crisis thing I keep hearing about.
    Well this is my first attempt at a blog so I think I'll just start with one of the comical things that seems to happen to us all. My life is filled with colorful characters and anyone who reads my blog will come to know these characters quite well. One of these characters is my neighbor, Josh. He's 27 and just as much a life loving, mud bogging, beer drinking redneck as anyone else in my neighborhood. He's a nice guy but when his truck went dead less than a mile from the house he was at a loss to understand why. He was able to get his 1978 4 x 4 Ford F150 home thanks to another neighbor, Mike. When I got home from work Friday, Josh was laboring in his yard to try and find the reason that his truck wouldn't run. He called me for advice and here is part of the conversation.
    Oh yeah, one thing you must understand is that he yells everything. I had the misfortune of answering the phone while wearing my bluetooth headset once and as a result suffered a 10% hearing loss in my right ear. Anyway, here's some of what was said Friday.
    "Man I cain't get no fuckin' fire from the coil. I got fire goin' to it, but I cain't make 'at sumbich fire fer shit! I even stuck a fanger in 'at sumbich and hollered at Tiff-ney... Spin 'at sumbich over!!! No chaints."
    You should also know that I thought for a very long time of a way to spell chance that would demonstrate how it sounds when he says it. With the help of my wife we were able to come up with "chaints". It still does not do justice to what it is to speak with him but it's the best I can do.
    So you can see my delima. I've been working with engines and trucks most of my adult life. I have the training and common sense to find and fix the problem.... Maybe even keep Josh from burning to death in his truck. It just seems like a shitty way to spend a Friday night. I like to be neighborly however, so I call him back and tell him I'm coming over to look at his truck. He isn't home and he informs me that he's tried a new ignition module and that didn't fix the problem so he's returning it.
    The next day when I do go over there I start of course with the fuse panel. Folks let me tell you... there are real gum wrappers stuffed into his fuse panel in place of fuses... wrigley I think. There are fuses that have long since blown, wrapped in foil and placed back into the fuse slot. I do my best to I check everything from asshole to appetite and it appears to be his ignition module. He assures me he has eliminated that possibility. I must say I had my doubts because he comes up with the most fucked up ways of testing things that I have ever seen. He'll call me and say something like "Man I ran a war straight from the positive side of the battery to the coil, then I turned on my left blinker and hit the gas three times and my radio still won't play! So 'at tells me the heater fan ain't workin'... right?"
    Ok maybe not that bad but you get my point.
    To make a long story short it was the ignition module. He had installed a new one previously and had wired it wrong and that's why it didn't crank. This time, however, he "Plugged 'at sumbich in an' 'at mother fucker fired right off!" I saw that he was driving it this morning and I hope that he doesn't catch fire on his way to work one day.... Maybe I should get him a fire extiguisher just in case.
    Ok... first blog done. I think next time I'll even voice some of my opinions. Topic suggestions as well as discussions are always welcome.